The Butterfly Effect

The past week or so has been an emotionally rough time for me. Not to much has happened its just that my mind has been in OVERDRIVE which has become overwhelming. At the point where I honestly was beginning to feel as if I couldn't take anymore I got advice that has truly helped shift my paradigm on the situation as a whole. Our talk went like this:
ME: E, I am officially overwhelmed.
E: GOOD!
ME: -_-
E: It is only when we are pushed to our limits that we discover just how much we can really handle.
ME: -_- Really sis?
E: Yes ladybug, you were made for this....BREATHE!

Granted my sis did offer advice after letting me vent and tell her what was up but her initial response was truly what has stuck with me. I thank God that he has placed me among people who will not let me wallow in my pity party but force me to see what it is God is showing me in every situation. For so long I have been lonely in a crowed room. I have been among so many people who always seemed to see the beauty and colorfully planned out things God has for my future. Often it frustrated me because I never really understood how or even why the same people who became very interested in the beauty of my future didn't pay much attention to ME. You know the girl I wake up to every morning. Then it hit me....EVERYONE CAN'T HANDLE YOU AS A CATERPILLAR. SO THEY HOLD ON TO THE FACT THAT YOU WILL BE A BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT GOD SAID.

Now granted I am the first to tell you I strongly dislike insects but I respect their purpose in life! As I looked up the life cycle of a butterfly I really began to understand what I am going through all the more.

Now this lovely looking thing is an egg. Butterfly eggs are protected by a hard-ridged outer layer of shell, called the chorion. This is lined with a thin coating of wax which prevents the egg from drying out before the larva has had time to fully develop. Okay so since the word tells me that before I was formed in my mothers womb God knew me (Jeremiah 1:5) I now can state that even while I was chilling and going through the beginning developmental stages of life (both naturally and spiritually) God had already seen and created every color of my wings. What really captured my attention about a butterfly egg was just like this egg God covered and protected me. God supplied as thin coating of wax which my wax was his word that was given to me just the way I personally needed it to keep me from drying out.

Butterfly eggs are fixed to a leaf with a special glue which hardens rapidly. Its amazing that out of every leaf there is God always knows the best leaf for you. Its also funny to watch others sit back and wonder why God picked THAT leaf for YOUR life. Now I promise it was nothing but God because I was done with leaves(church)! So on my own personal exit stage left moment God connected or fixed me to the best KINGDOM MOVEMENT around. I have tried to move out of Ky for the past ummm i don't know how long but from 2006 until March of 2009 I was stuck. Granted I did escape for a good 3 months but yep that didn't last long. But on Feb. 7th 2010 I finally understood why I was still in Lexington KY. Just like a butterfly egg stuck to a leaf as that glue or bond hardens it changes the form of the egg. That is the best way to explain what happened to me. As I was stuck in this place as the bond to my leaf began to harden and grow closer I got to meet some of the most amazing people hand picked to be in my life. As I grew spiritually from Gods word as well as having the RIGHT people pour into my life just like that egg I began to change. My paradigm shifted and I began to have a new outlook on things. Everything seemed rather nice and content if you asked me UNTIL...

You guessed it! I couldn't stay in that nice cozy egg forever! Although that is a very nice thought! So just like in the life cycle of a butterfly I became a caterpillar. Now caterpillars spend most of ALL their time eating or in search of food. That is so true to where I am. I am more now than ever in my WORD(food and nourishment) and the amazing part is the more I eat the more I grow but I can't stop eating! There are 3 stages in the span of a caterpillar. I find myself currently in that 3rd stage. In this 3rd stage life is more so about removing what and who can't go with me into where God is taking me. I have titled this section of life "Drawing lines in the sand" I have had to put limits on some very close relationships in my life over the past few weeks as well as really be open to the new closeness of friendships that are emerging. This is the HARDEST thing emetionally. To come to a point where you have to tell people some who have been around for what feels like forever that although their time and imput in your life is valued a great deal the season for them to walk close with you is over is stressful. Finding how to say things in a way that gets the point across but not passive where the line is blurred as well as taking whatever their response is. Because trust everyone will not like, respect or accept your right to tell them their role in your life. This is also one of the loneliest times in my life. I have amazing friends but in reality 80% of my life right now God has showed me that only 2 people can honestly handle ME where I really am right now. Its a very trying time emotionally bc some days I feel like I look like a caterpillar! But as I prepare to enter my personal cacoon with just me and jesus I can honestly say I am nervous but excited becasue I know that there will be some amazing things to come as my life as a butterfly! I ask that you pray with me and for me as I transition into my cacoon. Please don't feel like i'm ignoring you or being rude if I stay to myself and become more low key! I love you all its just that my desire is to be fully used by God and it will take some serious alone time with him to know and understand what exactly that is.

This is a work in progress...There are 2 more parts to this blog! Stay tuned!

Formed & Hand Picked: JUST FOR ME!

So I have been pondering all weekend what my next post was going to be about. At first I was going to dig into the royal wedding but I figured that would be a short post since all I have to say about that is ALL WEDDINGS ARE ROYAL since our father is KING OF KINGS! So yea, that wasn't going to work. So after much though I came up with this:

In 1986 2,228 children in the state of Tennessee were adopted. 1 out of those 2,228 was me. A bright eyed 5 month old little girl. I have known for as long as I can remember that I was adopted. Its never been a big mystery or secret for that matter. My parents have been amazing and open to talking about anything having to do with my adoption. I often think about the other 2,227 kids who were adopted in the same year as I was. Although I would love to believe that each of them were was blessed with an amazing family such as I reality sets in and I am aware that not everyone has that blessing. Granted although I know for a fact God hand picked my parents to raise, nurture and guide me with his help there have always been times that I wanted to know "Where I came from" "Who do I look like"

I must admit over the years I have debated and researched a lot of "Nature (your bio make up) vs. Nurture (your environment)" issues. An I must say there is no way anyone can tell me that Nurture has very little to do with who someone is. I was born into this world to a woman I have no recollection of ever seeing and I look like.....

This guy!!! Yes, this is my DADDY! My father, My right hand man! I am THE POSTER CHILD FOR DADDY'S GIRLS! I love this guys SO MUCH! An to wake up daily and know God blessed me with an amazing dad is wonderful! Not only is my 1st name from him (Kenneth minus the ending NETH and add DRA...What do u get? KENDRA!!! ) But a lot of my personality, views on things as well as my desire to work hard yep they all come from this guy. Well actually thy come from God who poured into this guy to pour into me but I'm getting ahead of myself. So Yea I am willing to go toe to toe in the debate that your bio make up does have a lot to do with who you become but more so does who raised you and where.

I was afforded a lot growing up because of the hard work of that guy up there in the picture. YET...I am at a place in life where I understand that EVERYTHING I AM IS BECAUSE GOD MADE ME.

⁵ “ Before I formed you in the womb I knew you;
      Before you were born I sanctified you;
      I ordained you a prophet to the nations.”

                                                                (Jeremiah 1:5 NKJV)
So Since GOD KNEW ME before I was conceived that lets me know that he already knew that the body used to carry me and bring me into this world wasn't meant to nurture and raise me. Which further lets me know that my purpose was created before I was...So even at my lowest point when I think about how someone could give birth to me and not want me I am reminded that God's plans for my life is way bigger so I needed the proper nurturing that was destined to be through Kenneth and Dianna!

I said ALL OF THAT to say that I am forever grateful to God for loving me enough to HAND PICK everyone needed in my life. Yes, I have met and allowed unneeded people in my life who often over stayed their welcome but as they are being removed I am seeing those who are SUPPOSE to be in my life. I have the most AMAZING group of friends a girl could ask for. I am seeing that they each have their own very important part in my life and I am learning what their role in my life is as individuals. Learning that everyone will not be super close to me is a little hard but very important lesson none the less. :) So this is my THANK YOU to everyone God placed in my life who are here to HELP push and force me into where he called me!

A very special THANK YOU to my church family *The Revolution Mark 16/20* you guys are truly some of the most AMAZING KINGDOM minded people I know. I love each of you so much. Before the Revolution I had "friends" but only a few of which were truly there because God placed them there. I Now have a family circle so Strong and ever growing. Although I do have my parents and siblings in the city it helps to have that extra family here as well. I love you guys so much!