BOOM....erang: Moving Forward...Changing your position!

So if you know me you know that one of my favorite scriptures is Jeremiah 29:11.(KJV)

¹¹For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

Fast Forward to the last two words.. "EXPECTED END". So is God said he is going to give us an EXPECTED end this tells me that he already knows the end. :) Okay so lets go back to eternity past when God had a purpose that lead him to create us. Out of ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL the Billions and Billions of people living on the earth there was something that God needed that only I can do. God made us to fulfill a purpose. So you got that right? God had something to be done that NO ONE ELSE could do so he created YOU!

Now often times through out life we as humans make all types of choices which then lead to consequences which are simply results from our choices both good and bad. It amazes me that even though God created us because he has something for each of us to do he still allowed us to have free will. Think about it...if you took time to invent something for a very specific need that you had and then upon making it you gave it the option to do what it wanted to do how many of you would be mad when what you put love and time into creating decided to just go off and do its own thing? (Think about it...)

At this point in life I have noticed that as I seek out what it is that God wants from me and out of me there are many things that are coming back to me....Dreams, Revaluations, People (whom which I let go of in one season or another) An as I grow I am seeing that somethings that are coming back are consequences of choices I made without seeking God. I really had to stop an analyze all "come backs" that are occurring. My pastor has said before that sometimes when we close the door on people or things in our lives that does not mean that another door will not be open in a different season. So let me break down what I got from this season of the "Come backs":

Okay so I was big and bad enough to talk to who I wanted, befriend who I felt was worthy to be in my life and even date and talk to guys I wanted to. So now that I understand that ummm EVERYONE can't handle where you are as well as where God is taking you I have had to set guide lines for the people in my life. At first I felt like it was a bit rude but ummm NO IT'S NOT! :) Because I allowed people to over stay their welcome in my life there was an over flow of people giving input and walking with me in seasons they had no business in. What I found out was that as I changed and went through things while allowing people in my life who didn't need to be they changed to. So even when I finally let them go and threw them out of my life some how they ended up coming RIGHT BACK TO ME... Think of a boomerang. Most of the time its a wooden toy that's bent at an angle. Well in studying the boomerang and the physics behind it I learned that in the moment that original wooden stick began to be molded and shifted and developed an angle that would then after change the course of its path. So if I have a plain wooden stick when i throw it that stick will only go in the direction I through it until gravity pulls it to the earth. BUT if I have a wooden stick that has been shaped, shifted and molded into a boomerang I now can throw it and at the point where gravity begins to pull it to earth it will shift and return in a counter clock wise movement back to where it came. So if I came from God and I submit to his will for my life I then believe that as I allow him to shape, mold and transform me to the point where I am different I am able to be thrown into any situation and I will return to my God because I know thats where my power and help come from. At some point we MUST return to the sourse of our power. A boomerang returns to where it was thrown because thats the place that threw it so it could do what it was created to do in the 1st place.

Now the funny thing is that just like we return to where our power comes from. There are people who tend to return to us even when we don't want them to because at some point in their life we gave them power....

Unraveling the Thread

<sup>*This is a collection of thoughts and ideas on one subject over the course of about 3 weeks. Forgive me if it comes off a little all over the place. But I promised myself that I'd just flow with this one! So enjoy! :)

I must say this year alone I have been motivated, encouraged, and truly uplifted by really studying the life, test, trials, and legacy of Abraham. In march (the 18th to be very specific) my mentor pointed out the story where Abraham refused King Sodom's offer to keep the goods he got.  Now don't get me wrong if I would have read this story at any other point in my life I would have nine times out of ten been like "Ummm sir..TAKE THE MONEY" but I tell you God has a way of showing himself strong right when you need it...</sup>

Genesis 14:21-24

²¹And the king of Sodom said to Abram,

Give me the persons and keep the goods for yourself.

²²But Abram said to the king of Sodom,

I have lifted up my hand and sworn to the Lord,

God Most High, the Possessor and Maker of heaven and earth,

²³That I would not take a thread or a shoelace or anything that is yours,

lest you should say, I have made Abram rich.

Now I have said and more than likely blogged at one point and time about how 2011 began with me promising God that no matter what I stood by the "whatever it takes YES" I gave him. So on Jan. 1st 2011 the beginning of my whatever it takes began to unfold. If I would have known that the 1st three days of this year I would be isolated and alone with just my thoughts and Gods voice I would have truly said from jump this walk is defiantly not for me. Come on tell me that if you walk into what was suppose to be a amazing year for you and the 1st three days was the beginning of you losing everything you wouldn't at least for a moment let the thought of jumping ship linger around a little to long as that thought developed into some well thought out plans to get your life going the way you wanted it to....

Within the 1st two months of 2011 I went from having a well paying job, a car and more friends and people who said they loved and supported me than I really needed. To losing my job because of staff cuts which was a major blow to my income so it resulted in me losing my car. Going from having a car, job, and things setting up to a great year just to be introduced to what now I look at as the greatest season of my life but in that moment looking at the bright side of having everything removed from your life didn't really make sense to me. In that very moment, I was hurt, mad, confused, frustrated, and ready to literally walk out on life. I will not sit here and tell you that even though now I totally appreciate what God was showing me at the beginning of this season that it was by any way easy. There were many..and I do mean MANY days I cried in my room for hours and hours. There were times when I didn't want to be bothered, I didn't want to talk, or hear any one's voice. There were days it took EVERYTHING in me not to make phone calls to people who I KNEW could fix my financial situation.

Now I will admit God allowed me to grieve and I did but there came a time where God asked me this simple question...
Do you trust me?

Now, of course I was all like "yes God I trust you. You have always been there and you will always be here for me". After I told God YES, dried my face off and began to really get it together he really challenged me...I then walked through a time in my life where God has provided for me, protected me, loved me in spite of me and simply reassured me everything was alright. It took me 2 whole months to get to the point where I could handle what God is currently showing me through all of this... God tested me on trusting him in 2 major ways. The first test although simple to some was very hard to me which was asking the people GOD placed in my life for help. Now, asking other people outside of my family and close CLOSE friends for help has ALWAYS been a pride issue for me. I would do any and everything in my power to fix a situation before I had to depend on someone else to. The difference in this season was that GOD HAD HAND PICKED and placed some AMAZING people in my life an although I didn't know them long I promise blood could not make us any closer. I will admit this was a test I failed a few times before I finally broke down.
Now that I passed that test after a while the BIG and I do mean BIG test came...Sigh...Help me Lord! Now the 2nd test came after much growth and understanding...I'm telling you God won't put more on you than you can handle. God always prepares you for the test before your faced with it...

When I began writing this blog my plan was to honestly share my personal testimony about this very situation BUT God has honestly redirected me totally to share what I learned. Often times we get caught up in what happen and we miss or in some cases minimize the whole reason God took you through something in the first place...

SO...rather than have it said that the king of Sodom had rewarded him, Abraham refused to take the recaptured goods that were offered to him for his service. He utterly refused to take anything—even a thread—from the king. This is an example of extreme righteousness that should make us think about our actions in our daily living. Do you ever stop and think about how much "THREAD" we accept in our lives.  What is the level of compromise that we are willing to accept? Abraham was unwilling to compromise at all. If you take a moment and think of it not as money or something physical we accept and look at what we take...Immorality, Dishonesty, Foolishness, Drama...I could go on and on but for real this is a story that truly hit home for me. It not only showed me that even as I walked through a season when I was offered for all my needs to be met even though it was presented as an "i'm here and I care" offer there were things aka "THREADS" attached to that offer. I too, like Abraham walked away from an offer that looked great in the eyes of anyone who didn't see or understand that the vow/promise made to God was worth so much more. Now removing the physical part...I often think about how many other "threads" have I taken. In reflecting on it I think of a shirt. You know that one faviorte shirt you have had forever and you know that even though its got threads hanging or a button missing for some reason you can't let it go. Well me, I have pulled on a tread to remove it but the crazy things about threads is that even though you may only see one small part out of place once you pull on that small part you end you uncovering whats a LONNNNNNGGGGG big old mess. The hard part isn't really all the thread you now have all in a mess in front of you its how you respond to what you have uncovered. The thing I've learned about test is that you are not graded on the test but on your responce. How do you respond...Before if someone came at me with some crazy off the wall drama i'd snap 1st ask questions later. But now as i've grown and have a different view of who I am and who God created me to be my responce is different....So I've said all this to encourage you to pull on that thread and respond out of growth not based on the situation! :) God Bless

K*Love Inspiration!

This morning driving into work I was listening to KLOVE's radio station like I do every morning and as I was parking a song by MIKESCHAIR came on called "Something worth dying for" As the song went on it really made me reflect because I have asked the questions the song talks about at some point through out my life:

1. God can you hear me?
2. God are you listening?
3. Am I more than flesh and bone?
4. Am I really something beautiful?
5. Am someone worth dying for?

There have been times in my life where I really felt like God could not hear me. I felt as though my voice didn't matter and wasn't audible. So I stopped speaking. Which in a sense was very interesting because I actually didn't stop talking. I just started saying whatever came to my mind...Good, Bad, or Rude! In the world people chalked it up to me just being outspoken. That right there is what will get anyone caught up. When you have the wrong people praising you on your foolishness. For so long I didn't care much about others or their feelings. I just said how I felt, or what I saw. In my mind I was stating the truth so it was all good right? WRONG...I let self pride take me to a place where I pretty much felt like the rules didn't apply to me. Growing up in the church as well as being the daughter, granddaughter and god daughter of pastors church folk always said "Preachers kids are bad"...So since they labeled me as bad on the basic knowledge of who my daddy was I became just that BAD...Now don't get me wrong I did do some crazy things in the last 25 years but my focus right now is how bad my mouth became. If you let it pride will take you on a ride that will be hard to recover from. Between pride and being surrounded by people who truly didn't care enough about me to call me on my foolishness I allowed words build up around me so you would never see me. I stopped listening to who God said I was and just went with who everyone else said I was until I got totally lost to the point where I didn't think God would hear or listen to anything I had to say.

Genesis 2:7(AMP)

⁷Then the Lord God formed man from the ^[a]dust of the ground

and breathed into his nostrils the breath or spirit of life,

and man became a living being.

Many times I have wondered is there really more to me then all that stuff I learned in biology, anatomy and physiology. Like for real...I been in church all my life and I heard everyone at some point say one thing or another about life is about more than my flesh. It wasn't until I personally sought out God for myself that I was able to truly believe and understand that YES I AM WAY MORE THAN FLESH & BONE. In the 1st book of the bible I learned that God had to breathe the breath/spirit of life into man before it became living. So that alone lets me know that if I was just flesh and bones I wouldn't be alive. My flesh, bones, organs and my whole genetic make up only work because God allows it to work through the spirit of life. Often times it is easy to get caught up and lost in the day to day routine that we loose sight of the fact that we need to seek God 1st above all else because when we seek God he will add everything else.

Psalm 139:14

I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made:

marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.



For so long I was the tallest girl in my class with the most developed shape...Like really why was it necessary for me a girl in elementary school to have so many curves. I was very self conscious about my body not really because of my weight or anything but because none of my friends were built like me so I began to hate my body. I disliked that my legs were really long, my feet were big, my thighs, hips, and behind were on a planet of their own and my waist was stupid small. So I became a tom boy. It was easier to cover up what then felt like a very large problem. I played basketball because people said I should becauseI was tall just like I ran track because people said I ran fast. Now both were very true I was tall so basketball was a breeze in elementary and middle school. I even became really good at it because I gave it my all and worked hard because that's what I do when I commit to something. But  it took me a while to embrace ME...the girl I saw in the mirror who would much rather have on a skirt and heels then some gym shoes and  a tee. My issue with my self image did a lot of damage to myself and others. I built up a wall to keep people from seeing me although most would never see what I saw in the mirror but I didn't let anyone super close just in case they could see that I didn't consider myself beautiful. Ever since I can remember my uncle Joe (My dads brother) asked me every time I saw him "How'd you get so beautiful"....At 1st I chalked it up to just him being him. My uncles are amazing men and love me so much an to me that was just something uncles say. But later I found out that my uncle Joe was speaking to who God created me to be not this girl I created who spoke her mind not caring about the feelings of others. He looked passed the fact that I had on baggy ball shorts and a t-shirt and saw ME. Psalm 139:14 reminds me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. That simple verse gave me the push to embrace KENDRA. If God created me and thought I was wonderfully made who am I to say other wise?

Now that last question was a big hurtle I had to learn how to jump. "Am I worth dying for" Like for real. To grasp the fact that God sent his ONLY son to die on a cross for MY SINS. God knew EVERYTHING I WAS AND AM GOING TO DO an even with knowledge of that he sacrificed his only son for me...Little oh Kendra who would hurt him over and over. The girl he would give chance after chance even though he knew I'd mess up again! That's big. Which now pushes me to seek all he requires of me. I figure that since God loves me enough to give the life of his only son for my sins I need to work harder at showing him I love him. I thank God daily that he is not like man because I know that based on the mess I got myself into time and time again people would be well past done with me. But God loves me enough to pick me up dust me off and let me go at it again. After over analyzing this very question over and over I have to simply stop myself and think...God is soverign which means HE DOES WHAT HE WANTS TO DO...



Jumping in Clown Shoes

Romans 8:29 (NKJV)

²⁹ For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be

 conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be

 the firstborn among many brethren.

 "To destine, decree, determine, appoint, or settle beforehand" is the definition given in the Merriam-Webster dictionary for the word Predestine. Now to break it down even more I used a children's translation and this is what I got "to decide beforehand especially by divine command" Yea so Romans 8:29 breaks down to me as:

"God had earlier knowledge of me,

So God also destined, decreed, determined,and appointed, me

to be similar or identical to Jesus so I can be used as a vessel by God

to bring my brothers and sisters to him"

Now that looks all well and good on paper but in reality a lot of that looks BIG and can often lead one to feel very intimidated. I find myself now in a place where my struggle is not what others say or anything like that its ME. I am very analytical and often over think things to the point where I can pretty much talk myself out of anything. I admit I have a fear of well not being in control. Now pause because I know a lot of you are like "girl you not in control no way God is" and I get that but I also understand that as a spirit being in an earthly body (flesh) my flesh has an issue with not being able to control situations that directly effect me. I will take a moment to say that although I still find myself trying to control things I have grown to a place where's trusting God to provide for me THIS DAY is more important than my minor needs to be in control. I have learned to trust God no matter what it looks, feels, sounds or smells like. Trusting God in itself has been an up hill struggle for me as well. Don't get me wrong I've always trusted God but not until very recently have I put my TOTAL trust in God. Like everything. Often times especially those of us who have grown up in church say we trust God but in reality we trust God with what we think he can handle about us. Which when I look at that it makes NO SENSE but any way...Yea we give God the PG-13 version of us and try to "clean up" the rest so it don't look so bad. But if we truly read his word we would know that really it makes no sense to not trust him since well he knew us before we were formed in our mothers womb(Jeremiah1:5) and he also knows our beginning, middle and end I mean duh he did write the story! Okay so yea sorry there is my little rant about trust!!!

Where I am now is truly fighting myself. This self-intimidation is a MONSTER. I was talking to my mentor one day about how I felt like what God is doing in my life and what he has called me to is WAYYYY TO BIG and God used her to tell me that right now it may look like it don't fit because God didn't give us a purpose to fit the size we are now, He gave us a purpose to fit the size we will become. (This is not exactly how it was stated but I can't find it just yet to quote) That right there blew my mind. While I am wondering around in what feels like clown shoes it is just a reminder that I'm growing into what God predestined me to be. An as I am in a season of discovering who I am in God I will admit that the parts that God has shown me already about my destiny...ummm I often want to look around and be like he can't really think I am able to do that, or say that! As I embrace my voice and really accept that there is a lot God has told, is telling and will tell me that I was created to share it makes me trust him all the more. Like for real how could I not trust a God who knows EVERYTHING I EVER DID AND EVERYTHING I WILL DO...The good bad and ugly and STILL even through all that wants to give me some amazing things that only he can?!?

I am reminded of one of my favorite story's my dad tells when he is preaching about trust. When I was little I use to stand on the porch and jump into my dads arms. Not caring about anything beacuse in my mind and heart I KNEW that he was going to catch me. I would close my eyes sometimes and jump, no hesitation, no fear simply because I trusted dad was there to catch me. Well I am seeing that my heavenly father is there standing on the ground waiting on me to jump. Even though he knew everything I did that hurt him before I got ready to jump and yet he is still there arms open wide ready to catch me...So my biggest encouragement to you is JUMP!!! :)

TRAPPED: the HE with in the ME!

Deuteronomy 8:18(NKJV)

¹⁸ “And you shall remember the LORD your God, for it is He who gives you power to get wealth, that He may establish His covenant which He swore to your fathers, as it is this day.

I have written this scripture down in my prayer journal I don't know how many times, and no matter how much I write it still its been in my head like...HELLO YOUR MISSING IT! So last night BAM...with the help of APC by way of her FB status I got it. Her status:

"TO SOMEONE OUT THERE: it is one thing to believe GOD is able and another to believe He is able thru "U"...until u become the conduit for the manifestation....stop looking for the blessing to drop out of thin air. Deut8:18 And you shall remember the LORD your God, for it is He who gives you power to get wealth, that He may establish His covenant which He swore to your fathers, as it is this day."

Yep It took me a minute to pick up my face! So this prompted a "Kendra...U CAN DO THIS" pep talk with myself! I will be the first one to say that often times I simply play myself. Over the course of the last month I have been told that I really need to commit to something and find what I'm passionate about and stick to it no matter what. An although I was like dang that's harsh. It was the exact words I needed to hear and the fact that they came from 2 very reliable sources I knew that it was something I needed to face and fix.

For to long I have allowed myself to be very well guarded. I have built up walls, stop talking to people so we didn't get super close, or simply just shut everyone out so I was no longer allowing myself to be placed in a position to be hurt, used or disappointed. Well, I must admit that actually was working for a very long time and I was really content with how life was going because I was controlling things the way I felt they needed to go. Well, no one prepared me to have individuals in my life now that could care less about the attitude or me not talking. God has surrounded me with people who simply love me enough to literally PULL OUT OF ME all I have worked so hard to keep in.

In this very season of my life I am honestly seeing that all while I was believing God is able I never really put thought to him being able through ME. Its not that I doubted he COULD its that I just didn't think about it. God has placed so much in me that I have yet to discover or I have simply bottled up and kept hidden because of being hurt in the past. BUT today I stand boldly admitting to myself that "YES! God has placed a lot in me and a lot of the blessings he has in store for me will come from the power he has already given me"

I had a friend ask me was I an introvert not to long ago and it really hit me that to him I was because as much time as we all spend together there are only a few who really know that I am by far an introvert. Crazy how I have always been comfortable in who I CREATED myself to be yet very nervous in being who GOD CREATED ME TO BE. All though they do have major similarities there are a lot of key differences. So as I begin to walk in who GOD CREATED ME TO BE I am finding that I've been missing out on a lot! :)

Double Birthday Blessing: The desires of my heart!

Psalm 37:4 (NKJV)⁴ Delight yourself also in the LORD,
 And He shall give you the desires of your heart.

"So Kendra How was your birthday? Did it turn out to be what you planned?" HECK NO!! BUT...My birthday week from Sunday to Sunday was everything I needed. Yes, I did have my 25th birthday week planned out from beginning to end. An like most people I was pretty set on things flowing the way I wanted them to. So when Sunday June 5th arrived and things were not looking like what I planned I was a little frustrated. Nevertheless I rolled with the flow...so here is a glimpse of my bday. Although very planned and thought out...Here is what really happened!

Sunday June 5th- Just like most Sundays I woke up on 35,000 prepared to have yet another amazing praise and worship experience with my church family at The Revolution Mark 16/20. I was also excited because I had an early birthday gift that was suppose to arrive that day....Church was AMAZING as always....Still no gift!!!

Monday June 6th- Girl Its A PHOTO SHOOT!!!

 Okay so since I LOVE taking pictures! I had a photo shoot for my birthday! Well it was before my birthday so I'd have the pictures on my birthday! Now the Plan was to have this fun, personality catching shoot of me and my birthday gift. But God had other plans! So Nevertheless my shoot was AMAZING and I love the pics!

 But let me back up...So my shoot was at 4pm. I needed to get my hair and make-up done! An as you already know since this week did NOT go how I planned it things got pushed back and rushed...BUT I did get my hair done (Shout Out APC aka R.C^2) I did however get to my shoot late but my photographer was totally understandable and AMAZING!!! (Shout out to Staci Marie Nurse http://www.stacimariephoto.com/)

 Yes I was a little down because my birthday gift didn't make it to my shoot!
But if I knew then what I know now and what you will know in a little bit...Yea! It was all worth it!

 Tue & Wed. the 7th and 8th- So if you know me you know TUE was gr8 because it was...PHAT TUE (bible study @ church) After bible study I went to BW3's for wings with the girls...Still NO BDAY GIFT..BUT it was on its way! :) Wed. at around 2am my Bday gift arrived! YAY!!!! :) So yes I spent my day Wed with my bday gift. Ended the perfect day with the most honest, raw, upfront, eye opening, emotional conversation with the two people God has hand picked to be the closest to me in this season. Talk about an on time God. Okay so guess I'll let you in. I was really looking for something different and basically life changing. An although I got exactly what I asked for...it didn't really come how I wanted it to. Or should I say got the conformation that YES is my answer but I still have to wait...Yep! About that let me introduce you to my issue...HI MY NAME IS KENDRA AND I AM A SPOILED BRAT! Okay well not as bad of a brat as I use to be but I am really spoiled and enjoy things to go the way I plan. Whelp! In growing A LOT this past year I know that I can plan and want all I please but GOD has the final say. An its funny to me because now that I looked back at what God promised me to begin with he said he would give me the desire of my heart at 25. So I took it as when I turn 25 God was going to give me what I wanted...well what I had planned out to happen around this time in my life...Yea! Not so much. God did exactly what he said he was going to do. Give me the desires of my heart at 25. So when I turned 25 on Friday June the 10th 2011 the honest desire of my heart was simply MORE OF GOD. I wanted to experience him in a way I have never been able to before. So although my birthday week was great God blew my mind on Sunday June 12th. To simply state that I was blessed to have 2 birthdays 2 days apart is an understatement....God literally gave me the BEST GIFT EVER...He gave me the desire of my heart MORE OF HIM!

So as I walk in the newness of what he gave me I am actually still amazed! I am honored and by far super pumped to see all he has in store because I know that 25 is going to be an AMAZING year. Because THIS YEAR unlike any other before it I am asking, seeking and receiving whatever it is God has for me each day. "Give us THIS DAY our DAILY bread" I am finally trusting God to provide for me one day at a time. No longer worried about whats to come because... Philippians 4:19 says

^"But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus"

The Butterfly Effect

The past week or so has been an emotionally rough time for me. Not to much has happened its just that my mind has been in OVERDRIVE which has become overwhelming. At the point where I honestly was beginning to feel as if I couldn't take anymore I got advice that has truly helped shift my paradigm on the situation as a whole. Our talk went like this:
ME: E, I am officially overwhelmed.
E: GOOD!
ME: -_-
E: It is only when we are pushed to our limits that we discover just how much we can really handle.
ME: -_- Really sis?
E: Yes ladybug, you were made for this....BREATHE!

Granted my sis did offer advice after letting me vent and tell her what was up but her initial response was truly what has stuck with me. I thank God that he has placed me among people who will not let me wallow in my pity party but force me to see what it is God is showing me in every situation. For so long I have been lonely in a crowed room. I have been among so many people who always seemed to see the beauty and colorfully planned out things God has for my future. Often it frustrated me because I never really understood how or even why the same people who became very interested in the beauty of my future didn't pay much attention to ME. You know the girl I wake up to every morning. Then it hit me....EVERYONE CAN'T HANDLE YOU AS A CATERPILLAR. SO THEY HOLD ON TO THE FACT THAT YOU WILL BE A BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT GOD SAID.

Now granted I am the first to tell you I strongly dislike insects but I respect their purpose in life! As I looked up the life cycle of a butterfly I really began to understand what I am going through all the more.

Now this lovely looking thing is an egg. Butterfly eggs are protected by a hard-ridged outer layer of shell, called the chorion. This is lined with a thin coating of wax which prevents the egg from drying out before the larva has had time to fully develop. Okay so since the word tells me that before I was formed in my mothers womb God knew me (Jeremiah 1:5) I now can state that even while I was chilling and going through the beginning developmental stages of life (both naturally and spiritually) God had already seen and created every color of my wings. What really captured my attention about a butterfly egg was just like this egg God covered and protected me. God supplied as thin coating of wax which my wax was his word that was given to me just the way I personally needed it to keep me from drying out.

Butterfly eggs are fixed to a leaf with a special glue which hardens rapidly. Its amazing that out of every leaf there is God always knows the best leaf for you. Its also funny to watch others sit back and wonder why God picked THAT leaf for YOUR life. Now I promise it was nothing but God because I was done with leaves(church)! So on my own personal exit stage left moment God connected or fixed me to the best KINGDOM MOVEMENT around. I have tried to move out of Ky for the past ummm i don't know how long but from 2006 until March of 2009 I was stuck. Granted I did escape for a good 3 months but yep that didn't last long. But on Feb. 7th 2010 I finally understood why I was still in Lexington KY. Just like a butterfly egg stuck to a leaf as that glue or bond hardens it changes the form of the egg. That is the best way to explain what happened to me. As I was stuck in this place as the bond to my leaf began to harden and grow closer I got to meet some of the most amazing people hand picked to be in my life. As I grew spiritually from Gods word as well as having the RIGHT people pour into my life just like that egg I began to change. My paradigm shifted and I began to have a new outlook on things. Everything seemed rather nice and content if you asked me UNTIL...

You guessed it! I couldn't stay in that nice cozy egg forever! Although that is a very nice thought! So just like in the life cycle of a butterfly I became a caterpillar. Now caterpillars spend most of ALL their time eating or in search of food. That is so true to where I am. I am more now than ever in my WORD(food and nourishment) and the amazing part is the more I eat the more I grow but I can't stop eating! There are 3 stages in the span of a caterpillar. I find myself currently in that 3rd stage. In this 3rd stage life is more so about removing what and who can't go with me into where God is taking me. I have titled this section of life "Drawing lines in the sand" I have had to put limits on some very close relationships in my life over the past few weeks as well as really be open to the new closeness of friendships that are emerging. This is the HARDEST thing emetionally. To come to a point where you have to tell people some who have been around for what feels like forever that although their time and imput in your life is valued a great deal the season for them to walk close with you is over is stressful. Finding how to say things in a way that gets the point across but not passive where the line is blurred as well as taking whatever their response is. Because trust everyone will not like, respect or accept your right to tell them their role in your life. This is also one of the loneliest times in my life. I have amazing friends but in reality 80% of my life right now God has showed me that only 2 people can honestly handle ME where I really am right now. Its a very trying time emotionally bc some days I feel like I look like a caterpillar! But as I prepare to enter my personal cacoon with just me and jesus I can honestly say I am nervous but excited becasue I know that there will be some amazing things to come as my life as a butterfly! I ask that you pray with me and for me as I transition into my cacoon. Please don't feel like i'm ignoring you or being rude if I stay to myself and become more low key! I love you all its just that my desire is to be fully used by God and it will take some serious alone time with him to know and understand what exactly that is.

This is a work in progress...There are 2 more parts to this blog! Stay tuned!

Formed & Hand Picked: JUST FOR ME!

So I have been pondering all weekend what my next post was going to be about. At first I was going to dig into the royal wedding but I figured that would be a short post since all I have to say about that is ALL WEDDINGS ARE ROYAL since our father is KING OF KINGS! So yea, that wasn't going to work. So after much though I came up with this:

In 1986 2,228 children in the state of Tennessee were adopted. 1 out of those 2,228 was me. A bright eyed 5 month old little girl. I have known for as long as I can remember that I was adopted. Its never been a big mystery or secret for that matter. My parents have been amazing and open to talking about anything having to do with my adoption. I often think about the other 2,227 kids who were adopted in the same year as I was. Although I would love to believe that each of them were was blessed with an amazing family such as I reality sets in and I am aware that not everyone has that blessing. Granted although I know for a fact God hand picked my parents to raise, nurture and guide me with his help there have always been times that I wanted to know "Where I came from" "Who do I look like"

I must admit over the years I have debated and researched a lot of "Nature (your bio make up) vs. Nurture (your environment)" issues. An I must say there is no way anyone can tell me that Nurture has very little to do with who someone is. I was born into this world to a woman I have no recollection of ever seeing and I look like.....

This guy!!! Yes, this is my DADDY! My father, My right hand man! I am THE POSTER CHILD FOR DADDY'S GIRLS! I love this guys SO MUCH! An to wake up daily and know God blessed me with an amazing dad is wonderful! Not only is my 1st name from him (Kenneth minus the ending NETH and add DRA...What do u get? KENDRA!!! ) But a lot of my personality, views on things as well as my desire to work hard yep they all come from this guy. Well actually thy come from God who poured into this guy to pour into me but I'm getting ahead of myself. So Yea I am willing to go toe to toe in the debate that your bio make up does have a lot to do with who you become but more so does who raised you and where.

I was afforded a lot growing up because of the hard work of that guy up there in the picture. YET...I am at a place in life where I understand that EVERYTHING I AM IS BECAUSE GOD MADE ME.

⁵ “ Before I formed you in the womb I knew you;
      Before you were born I sanctified you;
      I ordained you a prophet to the nations.”

                                                                (Jeremiah 1:5 NKJV)
So Since GOD KNEW ME before I was conceived that lets me know that he already knew that the body used to carry me and bring me into this world wasn't meant to nurture and raise me. Which further lets me know that my purpose was created before I was...So even at my lowest point when I think about how someone could give birth to me and not want me I am reminded that God's plans for my life is way bigger so I needed the proper nurturing that was destined to be through Kenneth and Dianna!

I said ALL OF THAT to say that I am forever grateful to God for loving me enough to HAND PICK everyone needed in my life. Yes, I have met and allowed unneeded people in my life who often over stayed their welcome but as they are being removed I am seeing those who are SUPPOSE to be in my life. I have the most AMAZING group of friends a girl could ask for. I am seeing that they each have their own very important part in my life and I am learning what their role in my life is as individuals. Learning that everyone will not be super close to me is a little hard but very important lesson none the less. :) So this is my THANK YOU to everyone God placed in my life who are here to HELP push and force me into where he called me!

A very special THANK YOU to my church family *The Revolution Mark 16/20* you guys are truly some of the most AMAZING KINGDOM minded people I know. I love each of you so much. Before the Revolution I had "friends" but only a few of which were truly there because God placed them there. I Now have a family circle so Strong and ever growing. Although I do have my parents and siblings in the city it helps to have that extra family here as well. I love you guys so much!


Erasing the Pencil to see the INK!

 

It amazes me how as children we are taught to set goals and make plans for what we want to be doing when we grow up. I remember many times back in grammar school when teachers would ask the class “What do you want to be when you grow up?” That simple 10 word question sparked something inside every classmate. From then on you heard the ever so popular responses that consisted of Firefighters, Police officers, Astronauts, Doctors, and the occasional Lawyer. Now looking back I appreciate teachers for asking that question over and over as I matriculated through school because they knew that our first response would change as we grew and learned more about our community as well as ourselves. My teachers embraced the theory we could be anything we wanted to be as long as we put our mind to it…. Philippians 4:13 (New King James Version)¹³ I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

My passion has always been helping others. As a child I wanted to be a doctor because that was one of the best examples of how I could reach out and help many people. I remember in 6^th grade we had a career day and the speaker said that at that time a neurosurgeon was the highest paid position in the medical field. Yep!!! I was sold. I figured hey I can help people AND get paid the big bucks. So for three years of my life I was sold on becoming a neurosurgeon. I studied hard and became very interested in the human brain. Fast forward to high school when the academic advisor was laying out all the advanced science and math classes I would need to excel in to get into a good university and med school. Long story short she shot that dream down…So I thought. It had nothing to do with my lack of ability to excel in math and science but everything to do with I simply and strongly dislike those subjects. I began my high school year knocking out the general requirements while I tried to figure out the answer to that age old question “What do I want to be when I grow up?”

LIGHT BULB MOMENT: Still very much into the human brain I took a psychology class freshmen year of high school and fell in love!!! I figured it out FINALLY. I wanted to be a psychologist. Through high school and into college that simple 10 word question evolved into more thought out essay pieces. At any given moment I needed to be ready to respond to a large variety of questions. You learn fast that people become interested in your future long before you think that far ahead.

Where do you see yourself in five years? How will what you do positively contribute to your community?

Habakkuk 2:2-4 Then the LORD answered me and said: “ Write the vision  And make it plain on tablets, That he may run who reads it. ³ For the vision is yet for an appointed time; But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie.  Though it tarries, wait for it;   Because it will surely come,  It will not tarry.  ⁴ “ Behold the proud,  His soul is not upright in him;  But the just shall live by his faith.

I began to write and re-write my 5 year plan in high school. It began very basic you know the usual go to college, go to grad school, work in my field, get married start a family. Yep that was the generic version. If I would have checked with God about what he wanted and had already planed for my life all that writing in pencil and all that paper could have saved time and a tree. Clearly my plans and Gods plans were totally different. You ever get discouraged when you compare where you thought you would be, where your friends are verses where you actually are? Yep, that has provided many of tear filled nights. Once I began to line up my wants and desires for my life with Gods will things began to fall in place and I quickly began to see that I am not where I planned to be simply because the space I created to put myself can’t hold all God has placed in me.

Jeremiah 29:11 (New King James Version) ¹¹For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
As I write, plan, cry, and throw many temper tantrums I am coming to a place where I get it. God wrote my happily ever after in INK long before I was in my mothers womb. So yes at this moment as I look at where I am and hold on to what I know he promised me it gets hard to stay focused but I will move past all doubt and walk in my faith because I know that in due season my expected in will come and it will be far greater than anything I could ever plan out! J Be Encouraged!