Jumping in Clown Shoes

Romans 8:29 (NKJV)

²⁹ For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be

 conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be

 the firstborn among many brethren.

 "To destine, decree, determine, appoint, or settle beforehand" is the definition given in the Merriam-Webster dictionary for the word Predestine. Now to break it down even more I used a children's translation and this is what I got "to decide beforehand especially by divine command" Yea so Romans 8:29 breaks down to me as:

"God had earlier knowledge of me,

So God also destined, decreed, determined,and appointed, me

to be similar or identical to Jesus so I can be used as a vessel by God

to bring my brothers and sisters to him"

Now that looks all well and good on paper but in reality a lot of that looks BIG and can often lead one to feel very intimidated. I find myself now in a place where my struggle is not what others say or anything like that its ME. I am very analytical and often over think things to the point where I can pretty much talk myself out of anything. I admit I have a fear of well not being in control. Now pause because I know a lot of you are like "girl you not in control no way God is" and I get that but I also understand that as a spirit being in an earthly body (flesh) my flesh has an issue with not being able to control situations that directly effect me. I will take a moment to say that although I still find myself trying to control things I have grown to a place where's trusting God to provide for me THIS DAY is more important than my minor needs to be in control. I have learned to trust God no matter what it looks, feels, sounds or smells like. Trusting God in itself has been an up hill struggle for me as well. Don't get me wrong I've always trusted God but not until very recently have I put my TOTAL trust in God. Like everything. Often times especially those of us who have grown up in church say we trust God but in reality we trust God with what we think he can handle about us. Which when I look at that it makes NO SENSE but any way...Yea we give God the PG-13 version of us and try to "clean up" the rest so it don't look so bad. But if we truly read his word we would know that really it makes no sense to not trust him since well he knew us before we were formed in our mothers womb(Jeremiah1:5) and he also knows our beginning, middle and end I mean duh he did write the story! Okay so yea sorry there is my little rant about trust!!!

Where I am now is truly fighting myself. This self-intimidation is a MONSTER. I was talking to my mentor one day about how I felt like what God is doing in my life and what he has called me to is WAYYYY TO BIG and God used her to tell me that right now it may look like it don't fit because God didn't give us a purpose to fit the size we are now, He gave us a purpose to fit the size we will become. (This is not exactly how it was stated but I can't find it just yet to quote) That right there blew my mind. While I am wondering around in what feels like clown shoes it is just a reminder that I'm growing into what God predestined me to be. An as I am in a season of discovering who I am in God I will admit that the parts that God has shown me already about my destiny...ummm I often want to look around and be like he can't really think I am able to do that, or say that! As I embrace my voice and really accept that there is a lot God has told, is telling and will tell me that I was created to share it makes me trust him all the more. Like for real how could I not trust a God who knows EVERYTHING I EVER DID AND EVERYTHING I WILL DO...The good bad and ugly and STILL even through all that wants to give me some amazing things that only he can?!?

I am reminded of one of my favorite story's my dad tells when he is preaching about trust. When I was little I use to stand on the porch and jump into my dads arms. Not caring about anything beacuse in my mind and heart I KNEW that he was going to catch me. I would close my eyes sometimes and jump, no hesitation, no fear simply because I trusted dad was there to catch me. Well I am seeing that my heavenly father is there standing on the ground waiting on me to jump. Even though he knew everything I did that hurt him before I got ready to jump and yet he is still there arms open wide ready to catch me...So my biggest encouragement to you is JUMP!!! :)