The Butterfly Effect

The past week or so has been an emotionally rough time for me. Not to much has happened its just that my mind has been in OVERDRIVE which has become overwhelming. At the point where I honestly was beginning to feel as if I couldn't take anymore I got advice that has truly helped shift my paradigm on the situation as a whole. Our talk went like this:
ME: E, I am officially overwhelmed.
E: GOOD!
ME: -_-
E: It is only when we are pushed to our limits that we discover just how much we can really handle.
ME: -_- Really sis?
E: Yes ladybug, you were made for this....BREATHE!

Granted my sis did offer advice after letting me vent and tell her what was up but her initial response was truly what has stuck with me. I thank God that he has placed me among people who will not let me wallow in my pity party but force me to see what it is God is showing me in every situation. For so long I have been lonely in a crowed room. I have been among so many people who always seemed to see the beauty and colorfully planned out things God has for my future. Often it frustrated me because I never really understood how or even why the same people who became very interested in the beauty of my future didn't pay much attention to ME. You know the girl I wake up to every morning. Then it hit me....EVERYONE CAN'T HANDLE YOU AS A CATERPILLAR. SO THEY HOLD ON TO THE FACT THAT YOU WILL BE A BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT GOD SAID.

Now granted I am the first to tell you I strongly dislike insects but I respect their purpose in life! As I looked up the life cycle of a butterfly I really began to understand what I am going through all the more.

Now this lovely looking thing is an egg. Butterfly eggs are protected by a hard-ridged outer layer of shell, called the chorion. This is lined with a thin coating of wax which prevents the egg from drying out before the larva has had time to fully develop. Okay so since the word tells me that before I was formed in my mothers womb God knew me (Jeremiah 1:5) I now can state that even while I was chilling and going through the beginning developmental stages of life (both naturally and spiritually) God had already seen and created every color of my wings. What really captured my attention about a butterfly egg was just like this egg God covered and protected me. God supplied as thin coating of wax which my wax was his word that was given to me just the way I personally needed it to keep me from drying out.

Butterfly eggs are fixed to a leaf with a special glue which hardens rapidly. Its amazing that out of every leaf there is God always knows the best leaf for you. Its also funny to watch others sit back and wonder why God picked THAT leaf for YOUR life. Now I promise it was nothing but God because I was done with leaves(church)! So on my own personal exit stage left moment God connected or fixed me to the best KINGDOM MOVEMENT around. I have tried to move out of Ky for the past ummm i don't know how long but from 2006 until March of 2009 I was stuck. Granted I did escape for a good 3 months but yep that didn't last long. But on Feb. 7th 2010 I finally understood why I was still in Lexington KY. Just like a butterfly egg stuck to a leaf as that glue or bond hardens it changes the form of the egg. That is the best way to explain what happened to me. As I was stuck in this place as the bond to my leaf began to harden and grow closer I got to meet some of the most amazing people hand picked to be in my life. As I grew spiritually from Gods word as well as having the RIGHT people pour into my life just like that egg I began to change. My paradigm shifted and I began to have a new outlook on things. Everything seemed rather nice and content if you asked me UNTIL...

You guessed it! I couldn't stay in that nice cozy egg forever! Although that is a very nice thought! So just like in the life cycle of a butterfly I became a caterpillar. Now caterpillars spend most of ALL their time eating or in search of food. That is so true to where I am. I am more now than ever in my WORD(food and nourishment) and the amazing part is the more I eat the more I grow but I can't stop eating! There are 3 stages in the span of a caterpillar. I find myself currently in that 3rd stage. In this 3rd stage life is more so about removing what and who can't go with me into where God is taking me. I have titled this section of life "Drawing lines in the sand" I have had to put limits on some very close relationships in my life over the past few weeks as well as really be open to the new closeness of friendships that are emerging. This is the HARDEST thing emetionally. To come to a point where you have to tell people some who have been around for what feels like forever that although their time and imput in your life is valued a great deal the season for them to walk close with you is over is stressful. Finding how to say things in a way that gets the point across but not passive where the line is blurred as well as taking whatever their response is. Because trust everyone will not like, respect or accept your right to tell them their role in your life. This is also one of the loneliest times in my life. I have amazing friends but in reality 80% of my life right now God has showed me that only 2 people can honestly handle ME where I really am right now. Its a very trying time emotionally bc some days I feel like I look like a caterpillar! But as I prepare to enter my personal cacoon with just me and jesus I can honestly say I am nervous but excited becasue I know that there will be some amazing things to come as my life as a butterfly! I ask that you pray with me and for me as I transition into my cacoon. Please don't feel like i'm ignoring you or being rude if I stay to myself and become more low key! I love you all its just that my desire is to be fully used by God and it will take some serious alone time with him to know and understand what exactly that is.

This is a work in progress...There are 2 more parts to this blog! Stay tuned!